Finding that sweet spot amidst black and white thinking
- Angelina Rao
- Jun 16, 2023
- 3 min read
Updated: Jul 2, 2023
A friend once asked, “If I say to you, I’m at work, doesn’t that mean I am not going to be able to come and meet you right now or stay on the phone with you"? She seemed a bit flustered. The more I thought about it the more I realized, maybe not.
Of course, as a mental health RN I am immediately trying to understand the entire scenario. I know that everyone has minor differences in the way they process information. Personally, I process at the neurodivergent speed of slower or faster for that matter, compared my peers. Add in the complexity of communication and the stage is set for the perfect storm. My friend and I went through varying possibilities as to why a person might not consider “I am at work” to equate “I’m not available right now”. The fact that my friend was open to this exercise shows that she is aware that her perspective could be coming from a blind spot, which clouds her reality. Brava to her for being open to being wrong.
In giving the other person the benefit of the doubt, we came up with some options: the person has slower way of processing information, could have been under the influence, language barrier? Had my friend insisted she was speaking facts; we would not have been able to have this exploratory conversation.
Black and white thinking aka dichotomous thinking is often seen in many psychiatric conditions as well as personality disorders, but not limited to just a diagnosis. I think everyone can get caught in polarized thinking, just look at our behavior during presidential elections. Thinking in absolutes leaves little to no room for the many options that might be available to us and that we are not able to access because we are so convinced, we are right. Furthermore, it can be very damaging to our personal relationships.
The idea of “finding the middle” can be seen in almost all areas of life. It is called ‘The Goldilocks Principle’ (this is a real thing), which tries to make sense of this “Not too hot, not too cold but just right” concept. It is generally believed that the middle is where we can find that “sweet spot” bringing with it order to chaos. That homeostatic baseline we are all consciously or unconsciously seeking. Inner peace allows us to move up Maslow’s hierarchy into the more cerebral creative space of self-actualization. I believe the pinicle is where the magic happens. And isn’t that what it is all about, seeking a balanced way of living so that we can be our best selves, for ourselves, for our families and for the people we care most about?
Thank God we are not doomed to polarized thinking. So where do we start. Good question. Black and white thinking can come about when something in our cognitive processing has gone rogue. Think of it as sort of a glitch in the system that needs a software update.
These exercises were developed using some of the latest scientific research. They can be very useful in helping to challenge your thoughts and rewire the brain. Change takes time and a lot of practice. It's a process.
Love,
Angelina Rao, RN
References
Ackerman, C. & Madeson, M. (2017). Cognitive distortions: 22 Examples and worksheets. Positive Psychology. https://positivepsychology.com/cognitive-distortions/#techniques-cognitive-distortions
Goldilocks Principle (2023, June 9) In Wikipedia. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Goldilocks_principle
Hopper, E. (2020). Maslow’s hierarchy of needs explained. ThoughtCo(24)1-3.
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